Self-esteem and how others view you
Today’s post is a little step away from my usual light-hearted reviews.
Believe it or not, there is a lot more depth to me than the latest makeup or beauty product. I know I don’t tend to show a lot of that on my blog, but some days I wake up and feel the need to write something with a little more substance.
As I sit here writing, I have no idea what the title of this post will be or even what I’m really here trying to say, but I find that putting my thoughts to paper does rationalise my feelings. My blog is never really about me, but I do write about my personal thoughts, with lots of posts in draft status – which I am just not brave enough to share.
I have before touched on the fact the last 12 months haven’t been the easiest for me, and recently I have struggled with low self-esteem. This may surprise you from someone that has a beauty blog. I take pictures of makeup and post on social platforms; which often only portrays a person as happy and confident.
My current state of feeling is not one that I have always felt. Usually, I am happy in my own skin but recent events in my personal life have really knocked me back. I’m not going to go into the detail of why – that post is for another day. But how we appear to others is often very different to how we view ourselves in the privacy of our own homes.
Recent conversations with a few close friends was really a poignant moment for me. I started to realise that how people view you and how you view yourself are often poles apart.
At this time, I have to admit I hate what I see in the mirror. I am not looking for sympathy, it’s just how I feel. What I see is a girl who is unhappy with a personal situation, a girl who feels she needs to lose weight, a girl who is in her late thirties with the stress of life beginning to show on her face, a girl bored of seeing the same reflection that she has for the last 36 years and a girl who also knows she needs to make some changes.
When I explain these feelings friends seem to be taken aback. Their words, ‘I’d never have known that about you’! ‘You’re so confident’! ‘I refer to you as my pretty friend’. Really? It shocks me as I just do not see that. I see someone else in that reflection, I see someone I don’t like, which I think a lot of people will relate to.
I have the exact same conversation when friends tell me their insecurities. From the friend that struggles with the way she sees her weight, to the friend who is fabulous at personal styling but is afraid to posts any pictures to her social channels through fear of not being that ‘size 6 insta girl’! And what do I see in them? I see the girl who has lost lots of weight, who has a great figure – but has lost her confidence to show it! And the girl that looks amazing in clothes and who I wish I could look like.
You see, how others view us is of no consequence when we cannot and refuse to see ourselves in this way, but why do so many of us feel this way?
For me, I think I can pinpoint what has triggered my lack of self-esteem and I’m damn sure I am going to work to resolve it. For others is it the pressure of social media and that we are inundated with images of the ‘perfect woman’?
I’ve talked about how social media gives a totally fake view of what ‘beauty’ and how we often compare ourselves to those unrealistic beauty standards we see daily – but that is not to blame alone, there are lots of factors that cause us to feel this way, and it is very individual.
The feelings we have can be deep-rooted from both past and present experiences. It can come from relationship issues or even things we experienced as a child – but it saddens me that so many women stand in a mirror hating their refection whilst wishing they could change almost everything about themselves.
Mental health is something I feel many people at one time or another struggle with. For some, it is only fleeting, but for others, it can be a daily battle. I also think that we are unaware that the girl or woman we think is perfect, actually sees herself in a totally different light and has the same struggles as many of us.
Since stepping into the beauty world, I’ve felt a lot more pressure than I ever did before, but I do also see the reality of not being 20 anymore and having the perfect flawless skin, and if I’m honest, I wouldn’t want to be 20 again! Mine is a little deeper, and its time I no longer gave those triggers any space in both my head and life.
How long will it take me to get there? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I have to work on how I feel and once again start believing in myself.
What I am trying to say in this post is that we all have insecurities, even that girl you believe is perfect.
As humans, we naturally compare ourselves to others and its about time we stopped. It’s time to become a little more positive and not beat ourselves down with negativity. We are all individuals and believe me, what you see in that mirror is beautiful, we just have to believe it!
The power of positive thinking is a wonderful thing, and whilst I struggle to do this myself at times, I realise this is the first step in my own self-healing. Whilst others are doing them, you do you, and be bloody proud of who you are!
I think its time we all started to be a little kinder to ourselves. I know that’s easier said than done. I for one have recognised this and as I say above, I know my triggers.
Let’s all reflect a little more on that reflection we often don’t like in the mirror.